robert brokenmouth 2022"Oh look, Mummy. The weird man singing with that nasty band Smallpox Confidential is telling me his IQ."

It’s really stupid. I hardly saw any bands (Dapto Dogs and George Thorogood were stand-outs) and heard far too few new releases. Instead, here’s a list of my Top Ten Sleb Shitbags and what curse (with permanent effect) I would put on them.

Tom Cruise:
Wake up every morning another two millimetres shorter.

Vladimir Putin:
His brain to empty, grow a beak and webbed feet and go nekkid except for a foolish weskit.

Donald Trump:
To wake up and always tell the complete truth.

Scott Morrison:
To wake up and realise with stunning clarity what he was. And volunteer to befriend polar bears on Baffin Island. 

Harry & Meghan:
To wake up with permanent laryngitis, flatulence & projectile vomiting.

Peter Dutton:
To wake up to discover he is a cockroach.

Barnaby Joyce:
To reject his political career and embrace trailer park swinging, and set up an Only Fans site

Rupert Murdoch:
To die and be reincarnated as sewage worker’s wellingtons.

Michaela Cash:
To die overnight but to be reincarnated as a fatberg in Florida

The last few Tory lettuces (sorry, leaders):
To be reincarnated as reusable toilet paper in Alabama.

Oh, and number 11 …
All Holocaust deniers to wake up to discover that the only jokes they enjoy are those made by Jewish comedians, the only music, literature, films, memes and websites ditto.