There's No Bones in Ice Cream. Sylvain Sylvain's Story of the The New York Dolls
by Sylvain Sylvain
Omnibus Press
I’m not sure I have the right perspective on our PM, Anthony Albanese, who was recently tempted into saying, while cameras churned, that he’d “date, shag and marry” Kylie Minogue.
When I first heard this titty-bit passing for news, I cackled immoderately (as I’m sure we all did) but as I spluttered my cocoa up the wrong way and out my nose, a rather inappropriate thought popped into my head: Would Kylie date, shag and marry Albanese?
I mean, I can just about see her turning on the ol’ charm and putting up with Albo’s boring, well-meant, old-man chitchat on a date, and even closing her eyes and wishing he were someone else while Albo thumped the mattress but, c’mon, marry?
Is there ANYONE, in this or any other universe, who thinks Kyles would actually tie the knot with ol’ Albo?
Now, changing the subject slightly, imagine being a musical type, not as famous or as wealthy as Kylie (or Albo), but well-known amongst locals. You'd be what, ordinary and cheery, getting on with your day amongst a kind of village population. Now imagine the same musical type being a vital, if not defining force, in a significant band. (er, no, we've moved away from Kylie and Albo)
So, yeah, anyway. The situation changes somewhat, doesn't it? People's expectations change. They want you to be devastatingly witty and clever, have a larger-than life personality which measures up to their idea of who 'that musician' is.
I mean, this sort of thing isn't confined to musicians, of course; here's a quote from someone who met his hero and you get the feeling he kinda wished he hadn't:
His fame was then at its height ... and I was very anxious to see a man who had achieved such feats of daring among the wild animals of the Rocky Mountains, and still wilder Indians of the plains ... I cannot express my surprise at beholding such a small, stoop-shouldered man, with reddish hair, freckled face, soft blue eyes, and nothing to indicate extraordinary courage or daring. He spoke but little and answered questions in monosyllables.
That's William “Bill” Sherman (who later became a famous US Civil War General) on finally meeting mountain man and backwoods-man Christopher “Kit” Carson.
Do you recall Michael “Mick” MacNeil? Well, you've almost certainly heard him, and probably enjoyed the expanse and depth, flourish and vigour to Simple Minds (1978-1989 or so). A musician who was a vital, if not defining force, in Simple Minds and, after 12 years of recording and touring, with peak successes after 1982, MacNeil called it quits and headed home to his family.
I call that pretty fucking cool.
I mean, Simple Minds' first eight LPs (or nine if you accept that one double album was actually two LPs) have MacNeil running through them like (to take one example) moorland drenched in shafts of sunlight after a sudden summer shower or (to take another example) a seam of starlight in a coal mine. You'd think (and hope), though, that MacNeil and his family had the safety net which assorted hits and royalties bring. And of course, I expect to most folks outside his village (apart from a few Simple Minds fans) MacNeil would be fairly invisible.
At the other end of the spectrum, fame tends to over-ride reality in every way, and as some famous folks continue their trajectory, scooping up assorted rewards and awards as they go, those folks who helped the famous to become famous ... well, history doesn't fully record what happened to them. Perhaps MacNeil might serve as an example of this.
However, imagine being a musician who was a vital (if not defining) force in a significant band, but due to one circumstance or another has managed to stall or redirect a certain trajectory to riches and broader fame, and is now only revered by music buffs and local users who, scenting the taint of the “almost incredibly famous”, pluck at their sleeve and mock them to their face...
And, yes, I am thinking of a couple of musical types as I write this.
Changing tack once more, we return to those legendary characters, The New York Dolls.
Synonymous with David Johansen, Johnny Thunders, sex, drugs, rock'n'roll and untimely early deaths, The Dolls kick-started dancing in the dark heart of the future of rock'n'roll.
Sylvain Sylvain was not merely an integral part of the band, he was as utterly essential to the movement as Thunders' pouting, his preposterous hair (was Thunders the first Goth?), his jerky on-stage guitar moves and Johansen's brash bawl.
Now, I know The Barman has already had a look at “No Bones in Ice Cream”, but after borrowing Adelaide record producer Paul Robert Gray's copy of Walter Lure's 'To Hell And Back' recently I found myself once more burrowing into a Dolls rabbit-hole. After returning the Lure, I spotted that Paul Gray also had a copy of “No Bones in Ice Cream” on his shelf - so I borrowed that as well and ... delicate I-94 Barfly, I have been blown away.
I thought the only definitive books on The Dolls had been written by Nina Antonia. Her “The New York Dolls:Too Much Too Soon” and “Johnny Thunders: In Cold Blood” are apparently still in print (grab them at Booktopia if you don't have them). There is now one other definitive Dolls book in Sylvain's.
(ED: Apart from “I, Doll: Life and Death with the New York Dolls” by the late Arthur Kane.)
Rock'n'roll has splattered out untold thousands of myths. Some of them are even true. And, there are a lot of accepted 'truths' in music history (some which just won't fuck off), even when they're demonstrably nonsense. Here, have a random few:
- Yoko Ono broke up The Beatles.
- Disco sucks.
- The Damned's second LP is crap compared to their first.
- The Clash's second LP is brilliant (especially compared to their first).
- Keith Richards is some sort of tough guy.
- Kylie Minogue is interesting. (you at the back there, stop dribbling!)
- So is Yngwie Malmsteen (see irritated footnote below).
- Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' is another masterpiece.
- Johnny Thunders and David Johansen were the most important members ofThe New York Dolls.
Now, you do not merely want There's No Bones in Ice Cream”. You need it. And this is because you (unlike the unspeakable Yngwie Malmsteen) enjoy reading about other people's lives, and you will discover much to enjoy, ponder and downright cackle over. And, you probably love The New York Dolls as well - or, if you don't, you will by the time you put the book down.
Apart from the fresh, vivid nature of this odd kid with a spectacular joie de vivre and an ability to breathe real life back into an increasingly style-dependent rock 'n' roll, you will rediscover what an actual rock'n'roll scene was (before the likes of Spertify telling you what to like), and how, when it becomes more broadly known, the music scene tends to alter and twist and become something else.
And when the scene has moved on and so altered that you are no longer an integral part of it ... and the scene (now a “talent pool') has become history (recent history, but still, history) and the world has taken what it found in your pool and various folks have begun netting the prize brown trout ...
Here in “There's No Bones in Ice Cream” are so many gobsmacking pictures ... you really get a firm idea of what a huge undertow in the music industry this band was causing (even before they got signed, ffs). There's even a pic of Sylvain in makeup which is uncommonly like Paul Stanley's - the pic taken before KISS began to use make-up (Sylvain looks dreadful, BTW).
Sylvain tells his story well (I found it close to un-put-downable), with the Thunders myth put into context: seems that much of Thunder's playing, his gear (sometimes clothes as well as guitars) - and even Thunder's role as lead guitarist, were down to Sylvain. Even The Dolls' name was his.
Seriously, it's like sitting down in a comfortable bar having a yarn with Sylvain; his story is so damn big I'm sure he had difficulty knowing how to begin and fit everything in - for sure he would've had chronology issues, which he solves by mostly ignoring it and telling us what happened as he recalls it.
For a bit of context, I went back and had a listen to a few Dolls discs; like, the Actress demos, made in October 1971 while Sylvain was in the UK. The difference between the Actress recordings and The New York Dolls demos of June 1972 eight months later is extraordinary - they're still a bit slow, but it's obvious the powerhouse has gained an angle-grinder, and that the band has been playing live quite a bit. On their next demo, four songs recorded in the UK, you can hear the trajectory, and the muscular engine revving. This stuff is all out there online if you look.
Look, I don't want to give too much of the utter delight this book holds away. But, for example, as with Lure's book you'll spot a few fascinating, revealing Sex Pistols nuggets which aren't found anywhere else. Anyway, what are you sitting around peering at the screen for? Order it, then pull out your Dolls discs and blast 'em!
I got mine here.
Yngwie Malmsteen footnote.
This is taken from a 2013 interview by Justin R. Beckner, and it's on the Classic Rock Revisited website, referring to the fact that YM has written his autobiography.
Q: Have you ever read anyone else’s autobiography?
Yngwie: You know the funny thing is, I haven’t. I was not sure if I should do that or not. I thought about it before I started writing, but I didn’t want to see how other people’s books were written, I wanted to write mine my way. It’s a lot like making music. I don’t really listen to music at all. I don’t get influenced by music. This book was the same way.
But wait, there's more of this idiocy:
Q: Do you think that by not reading books and not listening to music helps to create something that is uniquely yours?
Yngwie: Yeah, I think so. The thing is whether you like it or not, if you listen to music or if you read books, you’re going to be inspired by them and it will reflect in your own work. I love movies, I love Ferraris, I collect watches, and I play tennis all the time – that’s my thing. Then when I go to play a show, it’s so fresh because it’s different from what I do at home. I don’t derive from what other people do. I just do what comes out naturally and honestly. I would bolster to say that is the best way to write music or books because then the end product is what you are. I know that what I create is going to be around for a long time after I’m gone so I want to make sure that it means something."
Why should we bother with this character?
